Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize