I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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