Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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