the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Say something about gay babies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize