You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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