I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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