thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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