He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina is officially offended.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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