neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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