I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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