I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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