maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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