Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(847): just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity http://tfl.nu/hbyg

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

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(404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt

Replies (9) Good night (4988) Bad night (918)
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(310): View more from California

i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

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(310): i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that. http://tfl.nu/vq6l

Replies (10) Good night (2558) Bad night (503)
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(850): View more from Florida

hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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(850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl

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(719): View more from Colorado

If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.

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(719): If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks. http://tfl.nu/p2ad

Replies (25) Good night (4588) Bad night (853)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

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(860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl

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(660): View more from Missouri

THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

(816): View more from Missouri

..So we should take it off Youtube?

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(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os

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(718): View more from New York

Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by

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(718): Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by http://tfl.nu/75m6

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(559): View more from California

I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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(559): I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me. http://tfl.nu/s6gx

Replies (25) Good night (1059) Bad night (2869)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

if you just come over, i will entertain you

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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(508): if you just come over, i will entertain you (484): arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment http://tfl.nu/zbb7

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(770): View more from Georgia

Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.

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(770): Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire. http://tfl.nu/2u40

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

(803): View more from South Carolina

Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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(910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4

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(734): View more from Michigan

he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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(734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1

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(661): View more from California

He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.

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(661): He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/6vas

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(431): View more from

Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

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(431): Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches. http://tfl.nu/58c6

Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (156)

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