Me too!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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