It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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