i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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I think I sprained my soul last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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