I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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