it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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