I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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