He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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