I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize