Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Come on in and take your pants off
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