I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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