Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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