have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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