dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize