Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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