Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize