Umm I'm too high to move.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
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Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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