Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize