so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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