so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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