It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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