We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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