I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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