i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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