Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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