Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize