So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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