I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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