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This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Randomize
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