it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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