Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize