Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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