it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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