dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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