Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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