I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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