It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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I have feelings that need drinking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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