You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize